All my life I was told that loving and serving others is part of being good. When we do charity, when we lend a hand, when we give your biggest effort and sacrifice ourselves to aid others, then we are truly spreading unconditional love. But that is only one part of the equation. Many people have overlooked the first part of the sentence “love yourself as you love thy neighbor” said by Jesus in the Bible. They follow that teaching, thinking that doing good for others will make them good people. In return for being those good people, they believe they should receive love and respect.
Well! It is not completely true since this line of thinking is really not unconditional love. The expectation of doing good to receive recognition or the return of good action is nothing but a failed recipe to happiness. It all starts with the first part of the sentence, “love thyself”. Mannnn!!! It’s amazing how many people forget to read that part!! Or worse, they interpret this as being selfish, stingy, greedy, mean or unloving.
The beauty of learning about the first part not only makes you feel amazing and brings happiness to your life, but also radiates this love to the people around you. You must love yourself in all aspects. You must put yourself first by following your heart’s desires and not someone else’s. This includes all ages. For instance, I have seen so many of my students choosing their career path according to what their parents want them to follow, because they think this will bring approval and their parents will be happy. Many teens believe parents know what is best for them and that following their desires will bring success. This is already one sign of lack of self-love; these youngsters end up having so much confusion in their minds as they are stuck between what their parents want and what their heart truly wants. It gets even uglier because they live a life of doing things just to please others, trying to get others to approve and love them. This behavior makes them completely lose sight of their own heart’s desires until a point where they become inaccessible. In the end, that young fella is completely depressed and lost with minimal self-love. But let it be clear that not all parents are like that. There are many out there who really want their child to figure out their path and be happy with their decisions. Still, many of us have been brainwashed to believe that only doctors and engineers will reach great success and wealth, and that having a degree in history or arts will keep us fighting everyday for paychecks. These are all limited beliefs that block our true creative side and turn us into robots following the “system”, where we put so much time and effort to receive money to pay our bills. But are we really loving ourselves or are we destroying ourselves with this robotic life?
Another example of lack of self-love is in relationships. For instance, a person completely devoting their entire life to the person they are in love with. They put their partner’s needs before theirs. They forget their own desires and sacrifice their inner peace by trying to please their partners. Most of these people end up in a one-sided relationship or even an abusive one. They lose their sparkle and their self-identity. Moreover, they end up feeling resentful, especially after their partner leaves. So many people lose themselves in a relationship trying to impress their partner and making sure they receive everything, even if that means sacrificing their own true identity. Relationships are about compromising and finding a middle ground where both reach a consensus without either of them having to lose their identity. I have seen so many people lose friends because their boyfriends are clingy, or quit their job and move countries to end up finding themselves sitting alone at home doing nothing, while their partner goes about doing their own stuff. Many think that romance is all about giving your entire self to the relationship and neglecting everything else that makes up who you truly are. This kind of behavior can also happen in friendships, where one person is always sacrificing their time and energy to people who never show any kind of appreciation or reciprocity.
The biggest reason people lose themselves is because they believe they are not enough and they want to be loved back. But the truth is, no one will love you back if you can’t love yourself first! This means knowing what you like and don’t like, placing healthy boundaries, learning to say no when it doesn’t resonate with your heart and be ready to walk away when it is a one-sided, toxic relationship. It is always easy to say these tips, but it is very hard to follow them when you lack self-love. Still, it is a process that can start at any moment, with small baby steps to regain self-love and eventually achieve all the love that is meant for you. It is never too late to start working on self-love, here are some tips:
Start your day by telling yourself something really positive about your looks or personality.
Place love notes to yourself on your bathroom mirror and read them every morning.
Treat your body with respect by eating healthy food and drinking lots of water.
.Allow your body to try new activities such as yoga, pilates, any kind of team sports, tennis, bowling… as long as you get your body into action. Don’t sit around the whole day watching TV or any kind of media on your phone
Stop self-criticizing about any move you did, or words you have spoken. Be kind to your choices and realize it’s okay to be unproductive sometimes-your mind and body do need to rest.
Love your body by talking to it as if it was a baby. Have you ever seen a baby with a six pack? They are usually chubby with wrinkles and they don’t even have teeth, but we all think they are so cute. We never look at a baby and say “ my gosh, you need to lose those fats in your arms, and how come you don’t have teeth?” If you do, you need therapy!
Every time you say a hesitant NO due to doubt and fear, but deep inside you want to say yes, SAY YES!!! Stop over-analyzing things so much, let things happen without you controlling every step of the way.
Surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are and encourage you everyday to go after what you truly desire. If you don’t have these people in your life at that moment, don’t worry! Once you learn to love yourself, you will attract these people soon!
Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are unique! No one on earth has the exact same experiences and thoughts. No one is actually ahead or behind- that’s a pretty lame idea if I do say so myself. Your journey is unique and there is no such thing as this age you must do this and this age you must do that. Destroy this useless idea!
End all toxic friendships, love relationships and, if necessary, stay away from family members that only destroy your inner peace!
Every time you feel something is off, trust your gut, you are not NUTS! Follow your intuition and not people’s opinions.
Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s amazing, the feeling we get when we realize we have acquired something we didn’t know or think we could do before. Like learning a new language, playing an instrument or going to some restaurant and trying new food.
Embrace everything that makes you different from everybody else. It is your signature and what makes you unique! Usually it is this unique part of you that attracts your soulmate towards you!
Stop scrolling through other people’s media. We all know there is no human that has the guts to just post ugly pictures, ugly moments of their lives. I’ve never scrolled through Instagram and seen a story posted of someone being cheated on, or flush-faced on the toilet after a meal that didn’t sit quite right. Instead, I see pictures of amazing experiences at aesthetically pleasing restaurants (that may not have had the best food (let’s go back to that toilet example) but looked nice enough for a social media post). I see people covering up the things that make them human with filters and editing. Seriously, humans can be so silly trying to impress others, when others don’t even care- they are too busy trying to accept themselves.
Meditate! If you knew the power of this tool, you would learn how to clear your mind from all the garbage you hear or see on a daily basis. Meditation Helps you figure out what beliefs are truly yours and what are not!
Find hobbies that make you forget that time exists. Think of your childhood, what are the things you used to love doing as a kid? Usually that’s where you will find your passion.
Be patient with yourself. Everything comes at the divine time, so focus on now and let the worries of tomorrow be gone! Tomorrow doesn’t exist, it will never exist and the past is past. Everyday is a new start and every second is a new opportunity to make a change. Only YOU can make the move, don’t wait on others to make the move for you.
Be mindful of what you think, feel and desire. Live your life in ways that truly reflect your inner wishes.
Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favor, but that’s their problem not yours!! But remember to set healthy boundaries, like knowing when helping others reaches an extent where you are destroying yourself in return! This is not considered love and respect, it is actually the very opposite!
Find something to be grateful for every day. It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on.
Reach out to family, friends, healers/coaches, whoever you need to help you through the tough times. You are not expected to go through them alone. Some of us want to say we did it all on our own, because we want to receive all the credit or we believe no one will ever truly understand what we are going through. Seriously, the best achievements are the ones you achieve with others, because you can share the experience and the celebrations. It is true that sometimes we have to walk alone, but learn when it is appropriate and when it is necessary to ask for a hand.
Learn to say NO. Saying no sometimes doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person.
Forgive yourself. You know that one move or word you said one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel like crap, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s important to let it go. You can’t change your past but you can manifest your present. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to grow from past lessons.
Keep a journal, where you write down everything you think or feel. If you hate writing, then get your computer and record yourself, make a folder, and place all your recordings in it. Just do it, it helps release things from inside of you and helps you move on to the next best thing in life.
Go out to the park or any kind of nature that has many trees and water. The power of nature can help clean your system and restore nutrients that give us energy for the next day.
Stop looking for approval from others. You don’t need approval, what you need is to accept yourself just the way you are at this exact moment.And if there is anything that you wish to change about yourself, let the reason for this wish be about becoming more healthy and happy.
Be a dreamer but actually make your dream come true by taking action. Stop disbelieving because of predictability. There is no such thing as predictable, there is only stubbornness in us wanting to follow the same pattern. If you change the pattern inside of you- in other words, the limited beliefs that you keep carrying inside of you- everything else around you changes too.
Forgive and let go! You don’t have to carry negative energy inside of you. We are all humans trying to cope with everyday obstacles, and we make mistakes. Actually, I like to say we learn lessons because there is no such thing as mistakes. This word must be eradicated from every book, media platform! When we let go of past wounds, we actually feel a weight lift off our shoulders. This allows us to enjoy the world so much more!
Find your happy spot; be at home, a park, a beach, anywhere that you can feel completely free, calm and happy. Go there once a day to enjoy your own company.
Watch your thoughts, every time you catch yourself thinking or saying negative words, turn them into positive ones. For instance, “I suck at this, I can never get it right”. Turn it into “I am learning easily and effortlessly how to do this, I am slowly but gracefully getting it right!”
CRY if you need to! Express your emotions! Listen to your inner being and feel everything. It is only through emotions that you will understand what you really want and don’t want. Emotional people are the strongest and the smartest people- the mind can only take us so far in the “system”, but the heart, ahhh, that can take you anywhere and actually make you feel truly happy.
Express what you truly believe even if no one agrees with you. Especially with your loved ones- they need to know how you truly feel. Keeping everything inside will not make the problem go away. Plus we haven’t yet mastered telepathy, so we can’t read each other’s minds! SPEAK UP for your rights using healthy, respectable and kind words! But keep in mind, you are speaking your mind for yourself and not to make people agree with you! Some people will not listen to you, and that is okay- at least you said what you wanted to say and let it all go. The key is not to repress ourselves!
Have fun in everything you do! Get out there and just try! The more you try, the more you will find what you like and don’t like. Enjoy every opportunity that arises… enjoy being you and enjoy your time on earth.